woll

i dont know what to do with myselft at the moment... =/



But i have to do somthing.

My Last Post..

Was pretty harse. I'm sorry! I was in a fucky shitty mood. And yhea.

But i still feel like i'm slipping away from everyone... I don't know.
I tried explaining how much i hate that goddamn place. They kinda i dont know... Just they didnt get it. Thay kinda looked at me with a wtf face... like i was stupid. But it's okay i'm used to feeling fucking stupid. They say that everyone thinks the same as i do and that i should get of my bum bum and do shit. witch i agree with...

But... A while ago when there was this thing she hated about her family... Her mam... just being around her i was there and i said "i get ya". She was always like no you dont you dont see half the shit thats going on... It's the exact same thing for me. I hate the place THAT MUCH. I dont feel "safe" there i don't feel solid there, i don't feel ANYTHING when i'm there. Nothing. And it's just one simple thing. Just somthing that everyone does and everyone goes to and there fine. WHY do i hate it this much? It's just there. It's just not my thing. Nor was it my brothers. Mam said he was the exact same as me He'd cry to stay home.


I just need somthing New.. i feel like everything needs to be new. I dont like where i'm going witch is no where... i dont want to go no where! "so steph why dont you go do somthing about it. Get of your ass" If you seen me with stuff i enjoy things that i love! I'm so diffrent. Like technical things. if theres somthing i want to do on a computer i wont stop untill i do it. Stupid ass example i know haha.

But i do. i need somthing new. to motivate me.

And they said why dont you go and do somthing about it get of yer bum! and as i soon as i said i was thinking of moving schools they were like wtf...? that wont do anything. Well... there ya go... Thats at least thinking of doing somthing about it... But why are they shooting it down? Its exactly what my sister did... she was in ardee a bum like me hhaha hated it. She moved schools and shes super now.


I just need some small part of my life to be new right now. I dont know why, But i love new!!! Somthing fresh.

And i think that moving is that somthing. i dont know why everyone thinks its a bad idea?? :(

Go fak yaselvs y0000

Today was shiiii yesterday was shiiiii. pahhhhhh.

idk im in lotsa trouble.Lots. thar was a call from school when i got home today. Someone will come to my house if this isnt sorted by next week. ]=
i really CBA with school tho. but now i have no choice.

an yesterday i was just so not in the fucking mood to practice! at all.

an its been very weirdd lately.... it kinda feels like no one really likes me anymore. well. kinda feels like people are finding me annoyin =/
lotsa close friends slipping away tbh. very very slowly but still its happinin. i dont think there arsed tbh. there not im not. simple. But everyone was annoyin me today. But they werent being annoying. i was just peed the fuck off and everything was so fucking irritating. sept my lovely smokes. haha.


i think this is the worst mood ive been in, in a while.

but seriously theres one thing thats really irritating...

the way the two of them are kinda pushin or somthin about the band. its like they have there own little thing... they think the same way about the band... but if i dont feel like practicing i dont think they should get angry or anytthing. what, waht? wanna drop the band coz i wasnt in the mood for practice. if thats the way it is the whole time facks zee band.

even though i love it.

but thats irritating.
sorry everything is irritating today.

even this blog. its made your eyes bleed?

Myy baddd.

meh

meh is all.

today was cool with nicky but meh.

i feel bad about not going to school. i dont wanna go tommorrow.

im so draind or somthing. Somthing just doesnt feel right.
:(

And i'm scared. Of god knows what,
i dont know.

i'm gonna go heat up my dinner...
getting my hair blonded soons. not like bleached like honeyish blonde and some brown. shiny blonde :)

had a fun weekend. And some awfull spicey curry haha! And a long awaited lift home in the back of a van! An a nice sleep.


I'm coldssss.
i got a game called the witcher today its fun! :) sept the controls are annoyin :( Pfffft.


but yea. bed would be great i am sleepy...

mm anyway bye hah.

x

Isnt it funny.

I actually do have something to write about haha.

Well yes I’m of school again coz I’m a lazy bum. Very lazy bum. When it comes to school of course. But with other things I enjoy it’s different I just wish they could see that. -_-

Anyways it’s funny, just a while ago my dreams and ambitions where far to big for this place but now… well I just don’t know. I think reality kind of slapped me in the face. If I cant get my ass out of bed to go to school then I defiantly cant do what I want to do. And its huge trust me.

Call me pessimistic. I am quite pessimistic these days. Hah. But I suppose id be happy just to stay here forever Dundalk, Dublin whatever not in tallanstown… its to… clean.

I’m quite happy scraping through the week being miserable thinking about school and go to school but its really not that bad! At all. I don’t know why I’m such a moany bitch about it haha. I guess it kind of makes me feel stupid and it feels like im being degraded. But yes anyway im quite happy being miserable in school during the week then going out on the weekends and getting shit faced =]

I LOVE WEEKENDS.

But yes I don’t expect to much of me in the future. Just average I may not want to be an “average” human being but that’s what I am doomed to. Haha. I make it sound like a terrible life. It’s not!

But yes. Dundalk tonight. Staying in Nicks [= my lovely sweetie nick. ]=

Its very very fucked up at the moment. Were broken up! But its just not right… I may only be 16... But I love him to bits.
And its been a while since I woke up and thought GOD I LOVE THAT BOY SO MUCH. That happened this morning… and I felt great [=

Since we broke up I used to hate waking up and thinking “oh… nick… Damn…”

What’s happening?



Speaking of dreams I had a few crazy ones the past week.

There was one and I predicted the future. I predicted the world coming to a crazy end. Citizens where going crazy and the whole world just collapsed not because of natural disasters or a meteorite or an alien invasion. Just because the world wasn’t working right haha. I cant explain it. And then I seen a train crash through my house.

Then when I stopped predicting mam started talking to me then I just knew something bad was going to happen and I grabbed her and pushed her just as a train came through the window. HHA this was all a dream remember lol. But then I ran upstairs and there was a train in my fucking house…. Dad wasn’t there. This bit actually scared the shit of me!!! We were looking for ages but we couldn’t find him ]= then he came crawling out of the train he was okay yey lol.
Then we hopped on an empty bus and started driving. Wonder were we were going?

IT WAS a crazy dream. I do have really odd dreams. Ugh to realistic for my liking.

Then I had a dream I was scuba diving with some fit lad… LOL. That sounds more like a dream the one above sounds like a tv show FFS.

But yhea. I was quite relived when I woke up but I was thinking “is the world gonna collapse? Will I have to save my family? Ahh” lmao.

My brain is weird. I don’t like it. If im In a weird mood going to bed I wont have pleasant dreams… well that’s what I think so I have to stay up and watch some funny tv or something then go to sleep. I’m a freak. Iv’e only done it lately.

This is a huge update.

Haha.

But anyways…