i feel really used =/

i probally dont have a reason but i knew everything would add up to this. why did they not want me there?
and there trying to hide it from me. =/
but i know, it slipped 3 times when i was talking to her, its not just that there was a non-steph party that my mates threw its just kinda addind up. not getting invited places with them, then when i tryto invite them over or ask them to do somthing they have somthing else to do. all the time.

and the ignoring in school mostly, theres just new groups or somthing and i feel really looked down on, like they know everything and have done everything together.

"******* is me favourite"

and then the fact that the person who wrote that were ignoring me for agesss and ages then out of the blue a text from her saying "how was your christmas" and i was like. oh yey! thats odd, but she just wanted to ask about a newyears party on here and if she could go and bring her lad, then she was like kay gotta go.

that shouts lick arse to me, i just wanna know what i did for them to push me away so much.

and yhea no more party in my gaff just bringin a few people over, and if they get to pick and choose who to take then so do i.

No point in bringin people that dont even speak to me anyway...

as soon as i said it wasnt on she hasnt talked to me :L

I tried starting up convos andtexts and asking ppl to come out with me, i made an effort to keep our friendships going, so yhea, Not anymore if yous really wanna be my friend the way it was. i think you's will at leat give some sort of shit, you can read this and brush it off your shoulder if you want... :) doesnt bother me ither way. Coz i gave a shit.

You werent supposed to read that..

Yhea.

I didnt mean it... :(

i was just angry.

I love you. And i mean it [=

Im so glad we fixed this! :D Coz i have that lovely feeling in my tummy again!!!! gah! just wanted to say that.

mmm crimbo. Oh gosh lol its crazy here at home tonight everyone is being a moany cunt. mammy and daddy have been snapping at eachother all day witch is my fault i asked if i could get a burger and then it just turned into a row between them, and then when i said i'd get one myself, and i meant it in a nice way, they got mad at me!!

people fight over the stupidest things. haha a damn burger!

But yhea.

Gosh alcohol. I think ive had enough of that stuff... i think he has had enough of me having that stuff to hahaha. next weekend were just gonna sit here and play fallout and eat munch and watch movies instead of goin and getting hammerd.

btw. stay in college babs!! >< youl only feel that way for a week or two. I'm well over hating school now haha at least for a bit.

day of tomorrow kinda wanna go shopping get some nice clothes to make me feel fabulous this christmas! :)
and to get presents.

im such a weird colour, my hair i mean its yellow/ginger/bonde/brown.

No joke! haaa

but im gonna be plaitnum soon :)

mkai. bye! x

woll

i dont know what to do with myselft at the moment... =/



But i have to do somthing.

My Last Post..

Was pretty harse. I'm sorry! I was in a fucky shitty mood. And yhea.

But i still feel like i'm slipping away from everyone... I don't know.
I tried explaining how much i hate that goddamn place. They kinda i dont know... Just they didnt get it. Thay kinda looked at me with a wtf face... like i was stupid. But it's okay i'm used to feeling fucking stupid. They say that everyone thinks the same as i do and that i should get of my bum bum and do shit. witch i agree with...

But... A while ago when there was this thing she hated about her family... Her mam... just being around her i was there and i said "i get ya". She was always like no you dont you dont see half the shit thats going on... It's the exact same thing for me. I hate the place THAT MUCH. I dont feel "safe" there i don't feel solid there, i don't feel ANYTHING when i'm there. Nothing. And it's just one simple thing. Just somthing that everyone does and everyone goes to and there fine. WHY do i hate it this much? It's just there. It's just not my thing. Nor was it my brothers. Mam said he was the exact same as me He'd cry to stay home.


I just need somthing New.. i feel like everything needs to be new. I dont like where i'm going witch is no where... i dont want to go no where! "so steph why dont you go do somthing about it. Get of your ass" If you seen me with stuff i enjoy things that i love! I'm so diffrent. Like technical things. if theres somthing i want to do on a computer i wont stop untill i do it. Stupid ass example i know haha.

But i do. i need somthing new. to motivate me.

And they said why dont you go and do somthing about it get of yer bum! and as i soon as i said i was thinking of moving schools they were like wtf...? that wont do anything. Well... there ya go... Thats at least thinking of doing somthing about it... But why are they shooting it down? Its exactly what my sister did... she was in ardee a bum like me hhaha hated it. She moved schools and shes super now.


I just need some small part of my life to be new right now. I dont know why, But i love new!!! Somthing fresh.

And i think that moving is that somthing. i dont know why everyone thinks its a bad idea?? :(

Go fak yaselvs y0000

Today was shiiii yesterday was shiiiii. pahhhhhh.

idk im in lotsa trouble.Lots. thar was a call from school when i got home today. Someone will come to my house if this isnt sorted by next week. ]=
i really CBA with school tho. but now i have no choice.

an yesterday i was just so not in the fucking mood to practice! at all.

an its been very weirdd lately.... it kinda feels like no one really likes me anymore. well. kinda feels like people are finding me annoyin =/
lotsa close friends slipping away tbh. very very slowly but still its happinin. i dont think there arsed tbh. there not im not. simple. But everyone was annoyin me today. But they werent being annoying. i was just peed the fuck off and everything was so fucking irritating. sept my lovely smokes. haha.


i think this is the worst mood ive been in, in a while.

but seriously theres one thing thats really irritating...

the way the two of them are kinda pushin or somthin about the band. its like they have there own little thing... they think the same way about the band... but if i dont feel like practicing i dont think they should get angry or anytthing. what, waht? wanna drop the band coz i wasnt in the mood for practice. if thats the way it is the whole time facks zee band.

even though i love it.

but thats irritating.
sorry everything is irritating today.

even this blog. its made your eyes bleed?

Myy baddd.

meh

meh is all.

today was cool with nicky but meh.

i feel bad about not going to school. i dont wanna go tommorrow.

im so draind or somthing. Somthing just doesnt feel right.
:(

And i'm scared. Of god knows what,
i dont know.

i'm gonna go heat up my dinner...
getting my hair blonded soons. not like bleached like honeyish blonde and some brown. shiny blonde :)

had a fun weekend. And some awfull spicey curry haha! And a long awaited lift home in the back of a van! An a nice sleep.


I'm coldssss.
i got a game called the witcher today its fun! :) sept the controls are annoyin :( Pfffft.


but yea. bed would be great i am sleepy...

mm anyway bye hah.

x